My wife’s friend recently asked why I would even want to see my wife having sex with another woman when I knew she could fall in love with her or discover that she likes lesbian sex more than straight sex.

Well, first of all I feel pretty secure knowing that I’m a good husband and a thoughtful lover. If there’s an insatiable lesbian inside my wife just waiting to be unleashed, then I guess I’d rather know sooner than later. If that really is who she is or what she needs deep down, then would I really want to keep that from her for selfish reasons? But I don’t think that’s the case.

I think the idea of being with another woman is a little bit arousing to her. I think if she were to overcome the socialization that causes girls to think that same sex relations are bad she would probably be more than a little excited by the idea, just based on things she’s said. But would she instantly turn into a lesbian that not only preferred sex with other women but was exclusively attracted to women? That doesn’t seem very likely.

The idea that men should keep their women on a short leash lest they stray and never look back seems a bit controlling. Of course I want my wife to be mine. Of course I don’t want her to leave me for anyone else. That would really mess my life up in a way that would scar me for a very long time. But I think that there can be a difference between a dedicated loving marriage and a sexual playtime.

More than a desire to see some sort of show put on only for my amusement, I want to know what truly turns my wife on and explore that, even it is only through discussion. I’ve shared what turns me on and as I’ve said before, I don’t think she likes to discuss it. But she likes to discuss what she likes even less. She says she doesn’t know what turns her on. I don’t know if she just hides what turns her on from me or from herself also. I think it’s a bit of both.  When I encourage her to open up I almost feel like I’m pressuring her to invent something. That’s fine and can even be fun, but I really wish she could talk more openly about her real desires.